Monday, April 17, 2006
Episode 7: Wherein We Zoom, Zoom, Zoom Into The Lake
Before we consider this week on The Amazing Race, let us take a moment to mourn our favorite ever contestants, the Nerds. Lori Willems and David Spiker were charming. They were consistently kind and respectful to each other and everyone else, they always took time to notice their surroundings, and even when things weren't going well, still took time to support each other and enjoy the experience. I am very sorry to see them go.
If you want more of them, you can hear some of David's music where he is the lead singer with Rustabank. It's Ska. I'm afraid that I don't know which Pizza Hut Lori works at but there are only four in Manhattan KS proper if you want to go on a quest.
Last Week on TAR
Ilse told you. If you missed it, this is the time to rectify that oversight.
Editorial Remarks
Of late the camera work, typically excellent, has degraded into a morass of panning and zoom zoom zoom at every opportunity. I'm seasick, and I am never seasick on the water. They should get rid of these faux artistes who apparently just got out of school and pick up some old guys who have been lugging cameras forever. They would be less taken with their own cleverness and more inclined to just take the damn picture. I'm done now.
No, no I'm not done. That Travelocity gnome was clever the first time or two. Kudos to the ad agency and all that. But for crying out loud. It isn't the Taco Bell dog. Remember? Yo quiero Taco Bell! I have proof, empirical evidence of this. Gaze upon the results of a Google Fight between them. It's time to kill the gnome.
OK, OK, Sooner Or Later I Have To Summarize The Show
Our teams leave Siracusa, Italy in the middle of the night with instructions to take a train to Rome, Italy. (Good that the clue is clear so that they won't be tempted to take a train to Rome, New York.) They must find the Trevi fountain and nearby the man on the red and yellow Vespa. Unfortunately the man on the scooter is the best looking person in the entire episode. He disappears much too quickly.
BJ or Tyler -- I can't tell them apart and neither of them looks like a BJ -- drones on explaining some great philosophical approach to trudging across Europe under trying circumstances. Phil is absent so his mammaries are of no interest at the moment. Monica jumps up and down with excitement, displaying one of her three emotions -- excitement, hysteria, and mourning. Some of you may take interest in her bouncing funbags. She thinks that the inside of the SUV smells like dead fish. Ray says they have to play the game from the bottom up. We are treated to various additional confessionals, all dreadful. Lake takes advantage of the walk to their vehicle to rail, yell, and accuse his partner who is apparently named Bitch. More yakking ensues. They arrive at the train station and we encounter a classic TAR session of bunching. The frat boys think Lake is bipolar. I think that is much too kind.
Rome, Italy
They arrive in the train station in Rome and need to find the Trevi Fountain. This small tourist attraction was made famous by a dreadful movie entitled Three Coins in the Fountain, a hymn to the fifties wherein three secretaries try to Find Love. They each toss a coin in this wretchedly ugly fountain while making a wish. Don’t bother to watch it.
A close-up of the fountain, at left, provides ample evidence that Bruck really is mocking us and that he knows this show blows. The frat boys arrive first. Now that their temporary paramours were ejected and they are no longer getting laid, they seem to have put their energy into the race. Monica has wanted to go to the fountain for Her Entire Life. It is so nice to see lifelong wishes fulfilled.
From the Trevi Fountain they go to the Spanish Steps were we find the most egregious example of product placement ever. They have part of DaVinci's Vitruvian Man in a black leather portfolio. BJ and Tyler, unable to pronounce ‘vitruvian’ decide that it is DaVinci’s naked man.
The racers must find the other half of the picture and ‘break the code’ which is about as difficult as the code in The DaVinci Code where they practically told you how to break the code on the cover of the book. This is all “in honor of” the opening of the movie which, I believe Phil refers to as a film. I’m inclined to quibble. Oh and when they crack the code it says “You cracked the code.” I love the subtlety.
The Old Folks manage to find the fountain without passing it seven or eight times. Practice seems to be serving them well. Lake gives orders. The frat boys manage to turn over one of the two pieces of paper and read the semi-cursive below. They note that they must bring the picture and the portfolio with them to the pit stop. They speak these words aloud.
Athens, Greece
The teams fly to Athens and we are finally treated to the fabulous scenery that, for me, makes watching these losers week after week somewhat tolerable. At least we aren’t driving SUVs around familiar roads in the US week after week after week after … Ok, I’ll get a grip.
The next clue will be found at the Agora, another of those horrid foreign words that the racers must figure out how to say. (They have already mastered airporta.) Surprise! Airport bunching. They get in cabs, out of cabs, buy tickets, and fly to Athens. (Greece, of course.) Monica says “We’re grateful to be here. This is where thinking began. The great philosophers are all from here.” I bow to her intellect, to her effort to prove that she has a brain. Yolanda, the heretic, says of Monica “I’m not sure there is a lot going on there.” For shame!!
I’m sure it will come as a great surprise to you when I tell you that the Agora is closed in the middle of the night. For those of you planning to travel in that direction, though, it is lighted by night and very beautiful. Oh yes. By the time it opens at eight our racers are once again bunched, this time standing in pouring rain.
There is a Fast Forward. Because I am certain you have no idea what a Fast Forward is after nine seasons of this show I will let Phil, who is wearing a drapey dark red shirt that nicely shows off his man-boobs, tell you.
(Recently I was minding my own business, driving somewhere or another listening to the radio, as is my custom, and on came some discussion of man boobs or gynecomastia. This was both disconcerting and oddly fascinating in that staring-at-the-blood-flowing-from-the-wrecked-truck-on-the-freeway sort of way. They explained that *SCREAM* 60% of men have man boobs. Who knew? And they often do breast reduction surgery for it, especially in thin men. I won’t go into detail about the puffy nipples part because I’m still grossed out about that. But, do you think we should tell Phil?)
Oh yes, the Fast Forward. “This is first of only two Fast Forwards hidden on the entire race. The first team that finds it and completes it can skip all tasks and go directly to the pit stop. Each team can use a Fast Forward only once during the race so they need to decide when it is most advantageous to go for it.”
They must go to a nearby restaurant and engage in the traditional Greek way of warding off evil spirits – plate breaking. Isn’t this a terrific tradition? I am going to yard sales this weekend to find inexpensive plates to take to work. I intend to pile them up on my desk and when folks come in with things that suggest bad karma, I will smash them in the corner one by one. I am so looking forward to it. And who said The Race isn’t educational?
The frat boys win the Fast Forward ensuring that they will be the first to arrive at the pit stop. We fear for them, though. With all of the foreshadowing back at the instructions to take the vitruvian man along …. At least they will have time for some drop dead gorgeous scenery along the way to the pit stop at the Fortress of Rion. It is a shame that they don't have some local talent to spend time their spare time with.
The other teams go from the Agora to Corinth by train to the clue at the train station. Monica exhibits one of her three emotions – the whining one. And we go to
Commercials. I know you are accustomed to a rendition of the capitalism here, but I just can’t take it any more. I tried my little chickpeas, but when I got to some damn advertisement for depression I found I was too depressed to go on. I had depression, thoughts of suicide. Depression hurts. I decided that instead of telling my doctor, I’d tell you. If you want cell phone service or lunch at the Olive Garden or shoes from Payless, be my guest. Eating ice cream and cheese makes you skinny. I’m so confused. I’m going to put a cool compress on my forehead and wait until the race resumes.
The teams continue while Monica cries. Joseph lectures her and the tears continue to roll down her cheeks. "When I get upset, it's what I do. I cry all the time," clues Monica. There is much confusion with some getting on the train, some getting off of the train and onto busses, and some getting on busses. Of course they were told to take the TRAIN to the TRAIN station, but that detail seems lost on some. I can’t bear their idiocy so I’ll look at the scenery. TJ has thoughtfully provided some clips so that I might share the scenery and the lovely clear water with you. BJ and Tyler take the time to look out of the train window and notice their surroundings. There hasn't been much of that since The Nerds left.
Barry natters about time and who took what train while his "Married 40 Years" wife wrings her hands. She does that a lot. I must admit that they are supremely well suited to one another. Flip to Lake. (Excuse me, those of you who have Southern accents, but the accent only makes his abusiveness seem worse. He is not doing a good job of representin'.)
Ok I need to explain what happened, much as I want to blow it off. Lake and Michelle, Ray and Yolanda, and BJ and Tyler get off of the train at the Corinth Station instead of the Isthmos Station. An attendant suggests they take a bus to the correct station, which they do. FORESHADOWING: Michelle wonders if taking the bus will be a problem but Mr. Knowitall snaps at her, as usual. They find the correct station because someone figures out that the RR stands for railroad, then they find the cluebox at the train station. And in the cluebox they find that the next task is
A Roadblock
Phil, who has the amazing ability to say the same words in the same way show after show, season after season, explains to us “A roadblock is a task only one person may perform.” Aren’t you surprised? He is surrounded by rigging that distracts the eye from his manboobs.
This is actually a rather wretched task. The doer walks out on scaffolding and bungee jumps 240 feet down into a canal that looks like the sides are lined with stone. In the photo at right you can see the scaffolding at the center bottom of the bridge. Most of the divers just go, typically screaming that John Wayne I'm Gonna Kill All The Indians scream all the way down. Tyler seems to think he is on an acid trip. Of course in his life I expect that is indistinguishable from everyday life.
Most of the racers just bite the bullet and, with more or less trepidation, take off in a poor imitation of a swan dive. Fran, however, decided to do her delicate old lady who is afraid bit. And the editors seem to believe that extended footage of Fran repeating “Oh my God” and “I’m so scared.” Just as it appears that she may or may not jump, we go to commercials. Which I can’t bear to do for you. I have no idea who thought this would be suspenseful television, but he or she should be immediately removed and sentenced to edit Smurfs footage for eternity.
Of course we return from the extended Break Of Hawking Unneeded Items only to have the pleasure of seeing those fearful shouts again. After all, we might have forgotten “Oh my God” that Fran is “so scared.” Surprise! She jumps, all anti-climactic like.
The Detour
Here I thought we were going to get to see more of Greece, but nooooo. Instead we are treated to a detour. Both events take place in the same area, an ancient Olympian stadium to which the racers must drive. It’s All Greek To Me has the team search for 9 pieces of pottery marked with Greek letters, get help translating them, then figure out the anagram that spells a location on a map. It sounds worse than it is. Herculean Effort has a team member throwing a discus a competitive distance, the other tossing a javelin a competitive distance, then both trying to fell an “Olympic” wrestler, pushing him outside a 20’ circle.
On the drive Michelle discovers that the map she has acquired is written in -- surprise -- Greek. Lake takes this discovery with his usual equanimity, shrieking, swearing, abusing Michelle, and smashing things about. "Damnit, don't be an idiot right now," he says. "Don't be crazy now. If you're gonna fall apart when the pressure gets tough." Michelle will defend him later on, as usual. They go into a shop and she asks for directions because, of course, he won't.
Ray and Yolanda handle the Herculean Effort with ease – well except for the part where Ray can’t master the javelin and Yolanda keeps explaining to him how to throw sidearm -- while BJ and Tyler get lost. Michelle and Lake fight over where they are going as Joseph and Monica complete the Herculean Effort.
I must take a moment here to point out that the ancient Olympics took place with the contestants in the nude. The diaper on the wrestler wasn't even a good imitation of sumo. There is little enough reason to watch this show, but when I am teased like that I get angry. And they don't want me angry.
Meanwhile Eric and Jeremy. having won the Fast Forward, are the first to arrive at the Fortress at Rion. Phil asks if they have brought “Leonardo DaVinci’s vitruvian man.” Of course they have whereupon they are awarded a trip to the theatrical premier of The DaVinci Code, their “first red carpet event.” The boys from Florida get a trip to Hollywood to see Tom Hanks with a bad hairdo. This was not their finest moment.
Fran and Barry find the puzzle pieces easily while Lake tells Michelle what a good job she did ??!?!!?? They arrive and find puzzle pieces too. BJ and Tyler remain lost. A brief trip to a gas station reveals that they are an hour out in the wrong direction while we have a suspenseful cut to
Commercials: I am certain you will be shocked when I tell you that they include The DaVinci Code, the movie and Travelocity. Please feel free to imagine other commercials of your choosing.
BJ and Tyler, convinced that they are two hours behind, hope that this is a non-elimination round. Amazingly enough, Fran and Barry solve the puzzle using reason to find the correct place-name on the map. Michelle mentions it to Lake, saying “They’re just better than us,” whereupon Lake elegantly tells her “Shut up!” Monica and Joseph complete their task whereupon Phil introduces us (again) to the pit stop at the Fortress of Rion. We are particularly fortunate because Phil is wearing a suede jacket, unbuttoned, that barely skims his manboobs, hiding them nicely.
The Race to Rion
Amidst the usual confusion racing to cars and trying to find their way, Barry manages to back the SUV into a teeny tree, totally destroying the back window. “I didn’t see it,” he says casually, revealing the enduring secret of his 40 year marriage to Fran, the hysteric. He must have the worlds largest stash of Prozac.
BJ and Tyler finally arrive at the stadium, completing their task while Michelle and Lake, swearing and shrieking all the way, seem to be lost. Of course with them it is hard to tell. Lake would have the same reaction if he were 10 feet from his destination. Monica asks directions nicely.
Aside: I must mention this terrific bridge at Rion. Apparently it is quite new, having been built for the Olympics. The contrast between the modern bridge and the ancient fortress is quite striking. I won’t bore you with my travelogue much longer. Instead I’ll leave you with a shot of it lit in blue at dusk.
And They Arrive
Second Ray and Yolanda but remember that foreshadowing? They are penalized for 15 minutes because they took the bus to the train station instead of travelling all of the way by train. They have to wait while others arive until their time is up. Joseph and Monica are officially team number two. Ray and Yolanda are checked in after serving their time.
Fran and Barry arrive in the dark in the rain. Team number four. BJ and Tyler arrive ready to be last. First they are elated. Then they too have to do a 15 minute penalty. Which is up before anyone else arrives. Tyler (I think) or maybe it is BJ kisses Phil. For some reason Phil doesn't seem to get the full measure of pleasure from the experience.
Lake and Michelle arrive. Phil is sorry to tell them that they have been eliminated from the race. Lake flips from sad to comforting the crying Michelle. "That's ok babe. You did good," he assures her. He went on and on about how good she did, how well they got along during the race. And I walk away from this episode having stared in the face of true, total insanity in the form of Lake.
I leave you with the bridge. And a huge thank you to TJ for the pics. You'll have to tune in next week to see what happens then.
¶ 10:10 PM 
Featuring the Bridge at Rion
By TechNoirBefore we consider this week on The Amazing Race, let us take a moment to mourn our favorite ever contestants, the Nerds. Lori Willems and David Spiker were charming. They were consistently kind and respectful to each other and everyone else, they always took time to notice their surroundings, and even when things weren't going well, still took time to support each other and enjoy the experience. I am very sorry to see them go.
If you want more of them, you can hear some of David's music where he is the lead singer with Rustabank. It's Ska. I'm afraid that I don't know which Pizza Hut Lori works at but there are only four in Manhattan KS proper if you want to go on a quest.
Last Week on TAR
Ilse told you. If you missed it, this is the time to rectify that oversight.
Editorial Remarks
Of late the camera work, typically excellent, has degraded into a morass of panning and zoom zoom zoom at every opportunity. I'm seasick, and I am never seasick on the water. They should get rid of these faux artistes who apparently just got out of school and pick up some old guys who have been lugging cameras forever. They would be less taken with their own cleverness and more inclined to just take the damn picture. I'm done now.No, no I'm not done. That Travelocity gnome was clever the first time or two. Kudos to the ad agency and all that. But for crying out loud. It isn't the Taco Bell dog. Remember? Yo quiero Taco Bell! I have proof, empirical evidence of this. Gaze upon the results of a Google Fight between them. It's time to kill the gnome.
OK, OK, Sooner Or Later I Have To Summarize The Show
Our teams leave Siracusa, Italy in the middle of the night with instructions to take a train to Rome, Italy. (Good that the clue is clear so that they won't be tempted to take a train to Rome, New York.) They must find the Trevi fountain and nearby the man on the red and yellow Vespa. Unfortunately the man on the scooter is the best looking person in the entire episode. He disappears much too quickly.
BJ or Tyler -- I can't tell them apart and neither of them looks like a BJ -- drones on explaining some great philosophical approach to trudging across Europe under trying circumstances. Phil is absent so his mammaries are of no interest at the moment. Monica jumps up and down with excitement, displaying one of her three emotions -- excitement, hysteria, and mourning. Some of you may take interest in her bouncing funbags. She thinks that the inside of the SUV smells like dead fish. Ray says they have to play the game from the bottom up. We are treated to various additional confessionals, all dreadful. Lake takes advantage of the walk to their vehicle to rail, yell, and accuse his partner who is apparently named Bitch. More yakking ensues. They arrive at the train station and we encounter a classic TAR session of bunching. The frat boys think Lake is bipolar. I think that is much too kind.
Rome, Italy
They arrive in the train station in Rome and need to find the Trevi Fountain. This small tourist attraction was made famous by a dreadful movie entitled Three Coins in the Fountain, a hymn to the fifties wherein three secretaries try to Find Love. They each toss a coin in this wretchedly ugly fountain while making a wish. Don’t bother to watch it.
A close-up of the fountain, at left, provides ample evidence that Bruck really is mocking us and that he knows this show blows. The frat boys arrive first. Now that their temporary paramours were ejected and they are no longer getting laid, they seem to have put their energy into the race. Monica has wanted to go to the fountain for Her Entire Life. It is so nice to see lifelong wishes fulfilled.From the Trevi Fountain they go to the Spanish Steps were we find the most egregious example of product placement ever. They have part of DaVinci's Vitruvian Man in a black leather portfolio. BJ and Tyler, unable to pronounce ‘vitruvian’ decide that it is DaVinci’s naked man.
The racers must find the other half of the picture and ‘break the code’ which is about as difficult as the code in The DaVinci Code where they practically told you how to break the code on the cover of the book. This is all “in honor of” the opening of the movie which, I believe Phil refers to as a film. I’m inclined to quibble. Oh and when they crack the code it says “You cracked the code.” I love the subtlety.
The Old Folks manage to find the fountain without passing it seven or eight times. Practice seems to be serving them well. Lake gives orders. The frat boys manage to turn over one of the two pieces of paper and read the semi-cursive below. They note that they must bring the picture and the portfolio with them to the pit stop. They speak these words aloud.
Athens, Greece
The teams fly to Athens and we are finally treated to the fabulous scenery that, for me, makes watching these losers week after week somewhat tolerable. At least we aren’t driving SUVs around familiar roads in the US week after week after week after … Ok, I’ll get a grip.
The next clue will be found at the Agora, another of those horrid foreign words that the racers must figure out how to say. (They have already mastered airporta.) Surprise! Airport bunching. They get in cabs, out of cabs, buy tickets, and fly to Athens. (Greece, of course.) Monica says “We’re grateful to be here. This is where thinking began. The great philosophers are all from here.” I bow to her intellect, to her effort to prove that she has a brain. Yolanda, the heretic, says of Monica “I’m not sure there is a lot going on there.” For shame!!
I’m sure it will come as a great surprise to you when I tell you that the Agora is closed in the middle of the night. For those of you planning to travel in that direction, though, it is lighted by night and very beautiful. Oh yes. By the time it opens at eight our racers are once again bunched, this time standing in pouring rain.
There is a Fast Forward. Because I am certain you have no idea what a Fast Forward is after nine seasons of this show I will let Phil, who is wearing a drapey dark red shirt that nicely shows off his man-boobs, tell you.
(Recently I was minding my own business, driving somewhere or another listening to the radio, as is my custom, and on came some discussion of man boobs or gynecomastia. This was both disconcerting and oddly fascinating in that staring-at-the-blood-flowing-from-the-wrecked-truck-on-the-freeway sort of way. They explained that *SCREAM* 60% of men have man boobs. Who knew? And they often do breast reduction surgery for it, especially in thin men. I won’t go into detail about the puffy nipples part because I’m still grossed out about that. But, do you think we should tell Phil?)
Oh yes, the Fast Forward. “This is first of only two Fast Forwards hidden on the entire race. The first team that finds it and completes it can skip all tasks and go directly to the pit stop. Each team can use a Fast Forward only once during the race so they need to decide when it is most advantageous to go for it.”
They must go to a nearby restaurant and engage in the traditional Greek way of warding off evil spirits – plate breaking. Isn’t this a terrific tradition? I am going to yard sales this weekend to find inexpensive plates to take to work. I intend to pile them up on my desk and when folks come in with things that suggest bad karma, I will smash them in the corner one by one. I am so looking forward to it. And who said The Race isn’t educational?
The frat boys win the Fast Forward ensuring that they will be the first to arrive at the pit stop. We fear for them, though. With all of the foreshadowing back at the instructions to take the vitruvian man along …. At least they will have time for some drop dead gorgeous scenery along the way to the pit stop at the Fortress of Rion. It is a shame that they don't have some local talent to spend time their spare time with.The other teams go from the Agora to Corinth by train to the clue at the train station. Monica exhibits one of her three emotions – the whining one. And we go to
Commercials. I know you are accustomed to a rendition of the capitalism here, but I just can’t take it any more. I tried my little chickpeas, but when I got to some damn advertisement for depression I found I was too depressed to go on. I had depression, thoughts of suicide. Depression hurts. I decided that instead of telling my doctor, I’d tell you. If you want cell phone service or lunch at the Olive Garden or shoes from Payless, be my guest. Eating ice cream and cheese makes you skinny. I’m so confused. I’m going to put a cool compress on my forehead and wait until the race resumes.
The teams continue while Monica cries. Joseph lectures her and the tears continue to roll down her cheeks. "When I get upset, it's what I do. I cry all the time," clues Monica. There is much confusion with some getting on the train, some getting off of the train and onto busses, and some getting on busses. Of course they were told to take the TRAIN to the TRAIN station, but that detail seems lost on some. I can’t bear their idiocy so I’ll look at the scenery. TJ has thoughtfully provided some clips so that I might share the scenery and the lovely clear water with you. BJ and Tyler take the time to look out of the train window and notice their surroundings. There hasn't been much of that since The Nerds left.
Barry natters about time and who took what train while his "Married 40 Years" wife wrings her hands. She does that a lot. I must admit that they are supremely well suited to one another. Flip to Lake. (Excuse me, those of you who have Southern accents, but the accent only makes his abusiveness seem worse. He is not doing a good job of representin'.) Ok I need to explain what happened, much as I want to blow it off. Lake and Michelle, Ray and Yolanda, and BJ and Tyler get off of the train at the Corinth Station instead of the Isthmos Station. An attendant suggests they take a bus to the correct station, which they do. FORESHADOWING: Michelle wonders if taking the bus will be a problem but Mr. Knowitall snaps at her, as usual. They find the correct station because someone figures out that the RR stands for railroad, then they find the cluebox at the train station. And in the cluebox they find that the next task is
A Roadblock
Phil, who has the amazing ability to say the same words in the same way show after show, season after season, explains to us “A roadblock is a task only one person may perform.” Aren’t you surprised? He is surrounded by rigging that distracts the eye from his manboobs.
This is actually a rather wretched task. The doer walks out on scaffolding and bungee jumps 240 feet down into a canal that looks like the sides are lined with stone. In the photo at right you can see the scaffolding at the center bottom of the bridge. Most of the divers just go, typically screaming that John Wayne I'm Gonna Kill All The Indians scream all the way down. Tyler seems to think he is on an acid trip. Of course in his life I expect that is indistinguishable from everyday life.Most of the racers just bite the bullet and, with more or less trepidation, take off in a poor imitation of a swan dive. Fran, however, decided to do her delicate old lady who is afraid bit. And the editors seem to believe that extended footage of Fran repeating “Oh my God” and “I’m so scared.” Just as it appears that she may or may not jump, we go to commercials. Which I can’t bear to do for you. I have no idea who thought this would be suspenseful television, but he or she should be immediately removed and sentenced to edit Smurfs footage for eternity.
Of course we return from the extended Break Of Hawking Unneeded Items only to have the pleasure of seeing those fearful shouts again. After all, we might have forgotten “Oh my God” that Fran is “so scared.” Surprise! She jumps, all anti-climactic like.
The Detour
Here I thought we were going to get to see more of Greece, but nooooo. Instead we are treated to a detour. Both events take place in the same area, an ancient Olympian stadium to which the racers must drive. It’s All Greek To Me has the team search for 9 pieces of pottery marked with Greek letters, get help translating them, then figure out the anagram that spells a location on a map. It sounds worse than it is. Herculean Effort has a team member throwing a discus a competitive distance, the other tossing a javelin a competitive distance, then both trying to fell an “Olympic” wrestler, pushing him outside a 20’ circle.
On the drive Michelle discovers that the map she has acquired is written in -- surprise -- Greek. Lake takes this discovery with his usual equanimity, shrieking, swearing, abusing Michelle, and smashing things about. "Damnit, don't be an idiot right now," he says. "Don't be crazy now. If you're gonna fall apart when the pressure gets tough." Michelle will defend him later on, as usual. They go into a shop and she asks for directions because, of course, he won't.
Ray and Yolanda handle the Herculean Effort with ease – well except for the part where Ray can’t master the javelin and Yolanda keeps explaining to him how to throw sidearm -- while BJ and Tyler get lost. Michelle and Lake fight over where they are going as Joseph and Monica complete the Herculean Effort.
I must take a moment here to point out that the ancient Olympics took place with the contestants in the nude. The diaper on the wrestler wasn't even a good imitation of sumo. There is little enough reason to watch this show, but when I am teased like that I get angry. And they don't want me angry. Meanwhile Eric and Jeremy. having won the Fast Forward, are the first to arrive at the Fortress at Rion. Phil asks if they have brought “Leonardo DaVinci’s vitruvian man.” Of course they have whereupon they are awarded a trip to the theatrical premier of The DaVinci Code, their “first red carpet event.” The boys from Florida get a trip to Hollywood to see Tom Hanks with a bad hairdo. This was not their finest moment.
Fran and Barry find the puzzle pieces easily while Lake tells Michelle what a good job she did ??!?!!?? They arrive and find puzzle pieces too. BJ and Tyler remain lost. A brief trip to a gas station reveals that they are an hour out in the wrong direction while we have a suspenseful cut to
Commercials: I am certain you will be shocked when I tell you that they include The DaVinci Code, the movie and Travelocity. Please feel free to imagine other commercials of your choosing.
BJ and Tyler, convinced that they are two hours behind, hope that this is a non-elimination round. Amazingly enough, Fran and Barry solve the puzzle using reason to find the correct place-name on the map. Michelle mentions it to Lake, saying “They’re just better than us,” whereupon Lake elegantly tells her “Shut up!” Monica and Joseph complete their task whereupon Phil introduces us (again) to the pit stop at the Fortress of Rion. We are particularly fortunate because Phil is wearing a suede jacket, unbuttoned, that barely skims his manboobs, hiding them nicely.The Race to Rion
Amidst the usual confusion racing to cars and trying to find their way, Barry manages to back the SUV into a teeny tree, totally destroying the back window. “I didn’t see it,” he says casually, revealing the enduring secret of his 40 year marriage to Fran, the hysteric. He must have the worlds largest stash of Prozac.
BJ and Tyler finally arrive at the stadium, completing their task while Michelle and Lake, swearing and shrieking all the way, seem to be lost. Of course with them it is hard to tell. Lake would have the same reaction if he were 10 feet from his destination. Monica asks directions nicely.
Aside: I must mention this terrific bridge at Rion. Apparently it is quite new, having been built for the Olympics. The contrast between the modern bridge and the ancient fortress is quite striking. I won’t bore you with my travelogue much longer. Instead I’ll leave you with a shot of it lit in blue at dusk.
And They Arrive
Second Ray and Yolanda but remember that foreshadowing? They are penalized for 15 minutes because they took the bus to the train station instead of travelling all of the way by train. They have to wait while others arive until their time is up. Joseph and Monica are officially team number two. Ray and Yolanda are checked in after serving their time.
Fran and Barry arrive in the dark in the rain. Team number four. BJ and Tyler arrive ready to be last. First they are elated. Then they too have to do a 15 minute penalty. Which is up before anyone else arrives. Tyler (I think) or maybe it is BJ kisses Phil. For some reason Phil doesn't seem to get the full measure of pleasure from the experience.
Lake and Michelle arrive. Phil is sorry to tell them that they have been eliminated from the race. Lake flips from sad to comforting the crying Michelle. "That's ok babe. You did good," he assures her. He went on and on about how good she did, how well they got along during the race. And I walk away from this episode having stared in the face of true, total insanity in the form of Lake. I leave you with the bridge. And a huge thank you to TJ for the pics. You'll have to tune in next week to see what happens then.
¶ 10:10 PM
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I? would pay good money to witness the plate-breaking at your work. Very. Good money.
Grendel, who this month is into bridges, informs me that the bridge at Rion is of the "cable-stayed" variety. But I imagine you already knew that.
We agree on Three Coins in the Fountain. La Dolce Vita is my Trevi Fountain film.
You? are Faboo.
Grendel, who this month is into bridges, informs me that the bridge at Rion is of the "cable-stayed" variety. But I imagine you already knew that.
We agree on Three Coins in the Fountain. La Dolce Vita is my Trevi Fountain film.
You? are Faboo.
Great read, and I missed the last half of the episode so I needed this.
I agree that the scenery is always the best part, and I loved that you shared it with us.
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I agree that the scenery is always the best part, and I loved that you shared it with us.
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