Monday, November 06, 2006
Episode Eight: The One Where Three Guys Watch While One Girl Jams Things In Her Mouth
Previously on The Amazing Race:
Uhm. You know, I’m not going to take the time to summarize. David and Mary came in last, weren’t eliminated, and are marked for elimination again.
Dustin and Kandice, the first to arrive, are, obviously enough, the first to leave. The clue tells them to take a flight to Madagascar, though everyone knows the best way to get to Madagascar is in a crate that falls off a ship. Once in Madagascar, they have to find the Black Angel, which, in a twist, has been painted white.
They need to take a car to the airport, but the clue says nothing about taking the same car they arrived in. As a result, they choose to abandon the car they crashed, leaving it solely because it has some dents, and take another team’s car. A pretty red car. They justify it by saying they aren’t there to win friends, to be in alliances, or to do anything other than win.
Tyler and James are next out, discovering that their vehicle is gone. So they take the other red car, which will prove to be the car belonging to Lyn and Karlyn. Tyler tells us that James is too passive, which requires him, Tyler that is, to be more dominant. Thanks for the insight into the sexual relationship, guys. James tells us he needs to be more assertive. They decide to wait for Rob and Kimberly, saying that the existence of the Six Pack has forced them into an alliance. When Rob and Kimberly reach the cars, Tyler and Rob disagree about the route to take to the airport.
Erwin and Godwin leave next, followed by Lyn and Karlyn and Mary and David. There are only seven minutes separating the departure times of the three teams. It hadn’t seemed that close last week. Indeed, only four minutes separate Lyn and Karlyn and Mary and David. Those four minutes made the difference in getting a thirty minute penalty.
In confessional, Erwin says that if there was a choice between coming in first on a leg and one of the other two teams being eliminated, they would give up first place. Nice thought, dude. What show are you on?
The three teams head off to the airport. Lyn and Karlyn decide to try a different route. As they do, they tell us how much they hate Dustin and Kandice for taking their car. Mary tells us that all she knows about Madagascar is from the movie.
There was a movie? Did it feature anything like this:
Sorry.
Anyway, we all reach the airport, and there is only one flight. One. That all teams get on. Imagine that. Leaving in the middle of the night, finding an airport with only one flight that leaves in the morning. Nothing important from the plane, except David telling Mary he would like to sit by the window, that he hasn’t had a window seat yet. Everyone? Awwww.
We arrive in Madagascar, and the Six Pack are out of the airport and into cabs first. They drive right by the lake where the Black Angel is located, and, indeed, see the big statue of a white angel in the middle of the lake. Of course, they drive right by it.
The other three teams also drive out, with Dustin and Kandice first. They quickly get passed by Tyler and James and Rob and Kimberly. Rob tells us that the people of Madagascar don’t live as long because they don’t get protein.
I’ll let that stand uncommented upon.
These three teams realize the statue is the place they want to go. Tyler and James get there first, finding a new twist, the Intersection. In the Intersection, two teams must work together as one until further notice. Tyler and James team up with Rob and Kimberly, leaving Dustin and Kandice to wait for another team to arrive. The two teams of beautiful people (Note: None of them are really all that beautiful) decide to do the Fast Forward. In this case, the Fast Forward involves eating. Cow lips. One plate per person.
One by one, the three Six Pack teams get back to the Black Angel. Along the way, either Karlyn or Lyn refers to herself as the Black Angel. Better than the Blue Angel, I guess. Or the Blue Angels, for that matter.
Lyn and Karlyn and David and Mary choose to, uhm, Intersect, leaving Erwin and Godwin to mate, uhm, Intersect, with Dustin and Kandice. These, folks, are the two best teams in the race this season. They are tasked with a Detour, which we all know is a choice between two tasks, between two tasks, between two tasks. Yes, a detour is a choice between two tasks each with its own pros and cons.
Our choices are Long Sleep and Short Letter, and I’m not going to describe Short Letter because no one does it. In Long Sleep, teams must select eight foam mattresses, cover them with cheap mattress covers, and then carry them someplace. The teams head out, though Mary and David and Lyn and Karlyn briefly debate going after the Fast Forward. Lyn says that if Tyler and James and Rob and Kimberly are already doing the Fast Forward, it would be a waste of time. Unless, of course, it was a Fast Forward they could do faster. And you know, what the hell do Lyn and Karlyn have to lose? They have a 30-minute lead on Mary and David due to the marked for elimination penalty, so why not see what the Fast Forward is, see if you can do it, and then, if you can’t, head out to the detour task? Idiots.
Cut to the Fast Forward, where we see the teams arrive and find themselves face to face with their task. The cow lips look disgusting, with hair and bone and teeth. James digs right in, because after sucking winos off for cash in dirty alleys, eating cow lips is nothing. But he is the only doing well. The other three struggle, and struggle mightily. Indeed, there is talk of quitting. Hmm. Think David and Mary and Lyn and Karlyn could have eaten their plates faster, especially if it meant the difference between elimination and staying in the race? Could be.
Erwin/Dustin/Godwin/Kandice finish putting covers on mattresses first, and find a local to lead them to their destination. Lyn/Mary/David/Karlyn do the same, and decide to use their fanny packs to tie the mattresses together. On the other hand, they head off in a completely different direction from the other two teams.
The Beauty Chos reach the destination first. After hauling mattresses for awhile, they got the bright idea to go forward, find the destination, then bring the mattresses, though they didn’t have the bright idea of leaving someone with their mattresses. The clue tells them the Intersection is over and they are on their own. They are to find another clue box near some stairs in the market district.
Kenbama are having worse luck, getting lost a couple of times and discovering that tying eight mattresses together may not be the best way to maneuver through crowds, streets, cars, animals, and other objects. Cut to the Fast Forward where little progress is being made except for James, who has already finished. There is much talk about how they can go slow, that the other four teams will have to do a detour and a roadblock, and how they can take their time and still finish first. The result of all this talk is that for the first time, I find myself annoyed with James and Tyler. Apparently Rob’s innate assholeness is contagious.
Dustin and Kandice get a cab before Erwin and Godwin, and don’t offer to share. You know, it would have been the least you could do, girls. The Cho Brothers get a cab, but are behind the two blondes. Dustin and Kandice find the next clue box first, finding a Roadblock. In this task, the person performing the Roadblock must get their clue stamped with four distinct stamps, a car, a train, a boat, and a plane. They must search through dozens of vendors to find the proper one. While one person performs the task, the other is taken to the next pit stop. Dustin opts to perform the task, and Kandice is taken to the pit stop. When she gets there, Phil is dancing along with the greeter, so Kandice takes a place among the dancers and joins with them in dance. Dance! Dance!
Cut to Godwin doing the task and Erwin going to the pit stop, there to be teased by Kandice. Cut back to the Fast Forward, where they have really made no progress. But at least they are still confident that there is no way they won’t finish ahead of the other teams! Cut to Mary/Karlyn/Lyn/David finishing the Detour and heading off to the Roadblock.
Dustin finishes getting stamped and heads off. Godwin seems to be going faster than she did, but it still takes time. We see Dustin find a cab and head off, only to have the cab run out of gas. We then see the Fast Forward Four finally finish and head off to the Pit Stop. Erwin finishes, gets a cab, and runs out of gas. We now have four teams racing to the Pit Stop, and if the editing is to be believed, they all finish close to each other. First in, though, is Dustin, giving her and Kandice consecutive first place finishes. Tyler and James are next, followed by Rob and Kimberly. Neither team remarks on their placement; perhaps they saw Erwin waiting and realized their Fast Forward was neither particularly fast nor forward. Erwin and Godwin then finish fourth. The same order as the last leg.
Back at the Roadblock, where Mary and Lyn are performing the task. Mary finishes first and heads off. Lyn finishes and also heads off. Her cab runs out of gas. Mary gets to the pit stop first, and Phil tells her and David that they need to wait 30 minutes before they can check in. There’s a brief attempt by the editing to make it look like they have a chance, but Lyn gets there and, after they are checked in and Phil waves Mary and David in, we are told that there were still 20 minutes left on the penalty, meaning Lyn was only ten minutes behind Mary. And with that, Mary and David are gone, promising that they are not going to raise their kids to sit at home, they are going to raise their kids to go off and see the world. Somehow, there’s some dust in the air, causing me to tear up briefly. Must just be the dust.
Next week? Mud! ¶ 2:08 PM
Comments:
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Show didn't mention it. I assume you're interpretation is the correct one -that the merged team was a new entity and could get the Fast Forward for that reason. Seems a bit of a cheat, though I did like the Intersection concept.
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